Accelerating Wisdom - Storytelling & Tribes

Talk through life's big questions, not going at it alone, and having a wisdom well to draw on

I hope this finds all 108 of you well this Sunday! If you’re reading this and know someone that might be interested in this growing community of humans looking to thrive share A&T with them!

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Wisdom is not a product of schooling, but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it - Einstein

I wish we talked about the most important parts of life sooner. I'm sure many of you have heard me talk about this, but it boggles my mind that figuring out how to build a life that brings you deep satisfaction, meaning, fulfillment, and joy is something we are left to figure out on our own.

Why Is It So Hard To Talk About Life's Big Questions?

As I think about it I guess it can be sort of awkward to bring up that you're not quite sure how to go about these big life questions. I know I have felt this way often personally.

I'm also not quite sure why we don't touch these subjects with others often. As I think about it I guess it's extremely personal and it's a big topic to address. So maybe it's too private to inquire about and to explore it together?

While these things feel potentially true I also ask myself what are the risks to not exploring life’s big questions together? What are the risks to not diving into conversation with the people in our life around these subjects?

I for one think the risks are great to not working through the big questions in life early and often. I will go so far as to say that not having these conversations could deeply impact the quality of life we all eventually lead.

What Are Some Of The Risks To Not Talking About Them?

What is interesting is when I have brought up my uncertainty around life's big questions I have often been quickly reassured that I'll figure it out or I'll somehow know what to do. That has started to bother me more each day. Why do we not touch these subjects more often? Why do we not have spaces where we can explore how to build strong relationships or how to find our calling and learn from the experience of others? I'll give you some examples of what I mean.

I Have Not Had One Conversation Where I've Been Asked If I Know How To Build A Strong Marriage - I got married about a year ago and not one person has sat down with me and asked "How are you thinking about building your marriage? Do you have any idea how to do it well?". Most of the advice I've gotten has been fairly trite and more often a joke than actual wisdom - i.e. say yes to what your wife says and you'll be happy.

I've never been married before so how should I implicitly know how to do it well? We try to give people knowledge at school, we attempt to train people at work, we provide guidance on how people should manage their money. Why don't we talk to people about how to build a strong marriage (as one example)?

Everyone Tells Me I'll Figure Out How To Be A Good Parent - Another area where I have found advice lacking is I've expressed to a few different people that I'm nervous about messing up my kids. I mean it’s already hard to figure out how you want to live your own life (will spend a lifetime on that one), and now I'm responsible for helping this other thing do it - ALL THE TIME?! The challenges of parenting aside, what's surprised me is when I've brought it up to others (I've brought it up to multiple people) more often than not I hear - "you'll be fine", "you'll figure it out", "it's natural, your instincts will kick in" etc., etc.

My reaction is 1) how could you possibly know that and 2) it surprises me that we don't just openly talk about how it’s hard as hell to be a parent and most of us don't know what we're doing. Who can confidently say they've got parenting down perfectly? Some of us have more experience than others. Some of us have found what can be useful in certain situations and with certain kinds of kids. Some of us have found what certainly does not work.

Experience Must Be Lived But Wisdom Can Be Organized

My point here is that no one's knowledge on the subject is absolute and yes there is validity to the statement that you need to experience life to understand it. However, areas like parenting can be critically important to the quality of our life (and of our loved ones), and we don't talk about it enough.

Life's Big Questions Warrant Space & Attention

Wouldn't it be more useful to unlock the wisdom and the life experiences of others to make them more accessible? To share what's worked, to share what challenges have been faced, and what has been helpful in moving forward.

In my opinion, life's big journeys warrant more frequent conversation and exploration. They are too important to not deserve a sacred, safe, and communal space in our lives where they can be mulled over, considered, and explored together.

Imagine What Wisdom Made Accessible Could Look Like

Wisdom Conversations- Imagine what it would be like to hear the distilled experiences of parents - what has been successful, what has not, what has been hard, what has been easy, and insights they've gleaned into how to raise a happy, healthy, whole child.

Wisdom Partners - Imagine what it would be like to have parents you could access, that were ready and available to support you and talk through challenging moments. Parents that could be a thought partner for you as you become one and when you're just not quite sure what to do or how to do it.

Wisdom Resources - Imagine what it would be like to access a body of work that represents the top research in the field of parenting, the cutting edge of what can be effective in parents, and what might be important to raising healthy, whole humans.

Wisdom Spaces - Imagine if that existed for all the big things in life - your relationships, your work, finding meaning, marriage, parenting, and so on. Imagine if we organized wisdom and made it more accessible. What would that be like?

Accelerating Wisdom Through Storytelling & Finding A Tribe

For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment - Viktor Frankl

I don't have a perfect answer for how we organize wisdom and start to tackle life's big questions just yet, but I do have some ideas.

Cultivating Wisdom

Life is too complex, individuals are too unique, and situations too varied for people to be taught or "learn" how to work through life's big questions. I had an opportunity to discuss this topic with someone I've long admired the other day and he said something to me that I have not been able to forget. He said:

"Wisdom can't be taught because it is not the same thing as knowledge. You can't just dump in more knowledge and become wiser. Wisdom is knowledge and life experience distilled. Wisdom comes from sifting through the messiness of life and making sense of it. You can't teach it, but there are ways you can accelerate it"

This struck a chord with me when I heard it and it felt intuitively true. Another quote came to mind as I thought about what he said

Some people say they have 20 years experience, when in reality, they have 1 year's experience repeated 20 times - Stephen Covey

Wisdom Is Not Guaranteed

Why is it that some people, no matter their age, feel like they are exactly the same person they were 20 years ago? We all have these kinds of people in our lives and it can be almost bewildering or even sad at times. I say this not to poke fun, but to illustrate that wisdom is not a guaranteed outcome of living.

Learning and making sense of experience is not an easy thing to do and it often takes a lot of reflecting and sense-making to tease out the lessons, principles, and wisdom that can help inform how we approach things in the future.

Cultivating Wisdom Does Not Have To Be A Solo Effort

Life's big questions are tough to work through because it is, at its core, something no one else can do for us. No one can experience life on our behalf or carve a path for us. However, while the endeavor is personal, that does not mean it needs to be solitary, I think.

The definition of wisdom is:

Wisdom, sapience, or sagacity is the ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense and insight.

To cultivate wisdom is to make sense of our experience and to use those insights to inform our thoughts and our actions about how we shape our lives. I enjoy writing because it is a form of sense-making for me, of teasing out meaning from my life. While writing is extremely useful for me, it is a solitary endeavor. As I've reflected on wisdom accelerants (i.e. how to make sense of my life more effectively) - reflection is a key component, and another critically important one, I think, is accessibility to wisdom and to storytelling.

Storytelling

Storytelling reveals meaning without committing the error of defining it - Hannah Arendt

Stories Are How We Make Sense of The World

Storytelling has been around for as long as there have been humans and it shapes how we make sense of the world. It's how we communicate meaning, lessons, and share our life experiences with others. Storytelling is how we present ideas, visions, and narratives of what we dream the future can and should be like. Storytelling is what captivates, enraptures, and moves humanity.

Humans Share Wisdom Through Stories

More importantly, in the context of this particular newsletter's topic, storytelling is how we pass down wisdom. As I've thought about it more, we can't come at this problem directly - i.e. helping people work through life's big questions. This idea that people go into the world and have no idea how to build strong relationships, figure out their purpose, or cultivate a mindset that best serves them can't be taught, I don't think. It's too complex, too personal, and each person is too unique and their life is too original for there to be clear answers or prescriptive solutions.

We Have An Infinity Of Stories Within Reach

We can however tell stories. How many people have been through failed marriages? How many people have had amazingly successful ones?

How many people have lived into their 80s and 90s and found different callings, multiple times? How many people have found none?

How many people have lived amazing lives, enjoying every second of it, learning something new each and every day until their last? How many people have lived anxiously? Have lived fearfully? Have lived cautiously?

What If We Made Those Stories More Accessible To People?

There is so much experience out there. So much life. And so many stories. What if we shared that? What if we made that more available to people that were starting their lives? Or before important moments? Or during critical transitions? What would it be like to tap into a tribe that could help you accelerate your wisdom by sharing their own life experiences? And maybe just maybe give us more opportunities to glean some insight, some perspective from their stories that might be useful in writing our own.

Connection & Sharing Life Experiences Is Fundamentally Human

We are tribal creatures at heart and this world of ours has changed rapidly from the earliest days that man walked this earth. We've gotten more isolated and more spread out, but we are not alone and we are certainly not alone in feeling the need for connection. One thing I've heard commonly across all people is how the pandemic has forced a real perspective shift, a realization that connection is not just an important component of our lives, but is part of the fabric of living well. It is a part of what it means to be human.

What if we could leverage the power of storytelling and the collective wisdom of the tribe to help people navigate their lives, to lean on for support through times of difficulty, and to accelerate their own path to wisdom.

It's something I'm optimistic we can accomplish and reasonably certain many of us crave. I'll end with this quote I love

“It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.”
- Viktor Frankly