The Power of Being Yourself - Leaning into Authenticity Daily

Think less, pay more attention to how you feel, wander towards yourself.

I hope this finds all 113 of you well this Sunday! If you’re reading this and know someone that might be interested in this growing community of humans looking to thrive share A&T with them!

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I've had some interesting conversations this week around authenticity, and how being yourself is not only one of the keys to feeling great, but also an advantage that is unique and specific to you.

I know this is one of those things that on the surface that is cliche and hard to know what to do with. From our earliest years, we hear this phrase - just be yourself - often. We hear it when we are running off to pre-school when we go on dates with people we like, or whenever we’re meeting new people. But what does it mean to be yourself? And why does it feel so hard sometimes?

As kids, I think we are constantly told to not be ourselves

While I think the advice is sage many signals we get throughout the course of our life suggest that being ourselves is not actually something other people want from us.

Whether it is being made fun of in school for reading too much, or telling our parents we want to be astronauts and they tell us we can't make a career out of that, or when we spend endless time scrolling on social media and we see that the people who have tens of thousands of followers don't look or act like us.

There are so many more signals that push us towards being something other than who we are vs. embracing and encouraging our own uniqueness.

Since being ourselves is oftentimes not rewarded I think it can be easy to forget what it’s like to be ourselves.

I think authenticity is highly correlated with non-thinking

To me, what's fascinating is I think being yourself is highly correlated with non-thinking, which is again highly correlated with feeling good and being present. The reason they are so intertwined is that anytime we are not being ourselves we need to think:

1. What should I say?

2. How should I act?

3. What should I do?

4. What do I want to be?

And so on and so forth. Not being ourselves requires a ton more work and a ton more thinking. The result, I think, is added stress trying to figure out how this idealized version of ourselves should be, should act, or should talk.

Additionally, all of that thinking makes it impossible to be fully present as we're spending time planning ahead. As a result, we don't react naturally to new moments and new experiences, which means we enjoy the moment less and we learn less about ourselves.

So how can we be more ourselves?

I don't have a super-clear answer to this just yet, but I have a series of ideas that roughly guide how I think about it:

1. Mindfulness Practice - This is critical because unless you're aware of thought, it's tough to know when you're caught in it. This can be anything like meditation, taking walks in nature regularly, breathwork, and I bet there are a ton others. The key to these practices is developing awareness around when a thought arises.

2. Develop good mental hygiene: Once you start to notice thought, it becomes easier to navigate and manage thinking. Now you can start to intentionally develop healthy mental habits.

   1. Notice When You're Thinking About How People Will React - Notice when you're spending time thinking about how others will react to what you say or do.

   2. Your Brain Is Looking Out For You - That's awesome that your brain is looking out for you and bringing up things that it think you should worry about. Thank it.

   3. Start saying what's on your mind, doing what you want to do, and pay attention to how it feels

      1. Say I Don't Know - If you don't know something but are nervous about looking dumb, try saying I don't know and pay attention to how it feels (not how it lands).

      2. Say What You Need - If there is something you need but are not getting try sharing it and see how it makes you feel.

      3. Learn About Yourself - Pay attention to when you want to do something (take a break, try a new activity, or call someone, etc) and just do it. Notice how it makes you feel. Take each new thing as an opportunity to learn more about yourself.

      4. Have Fun Being More Yourself Everyday - One thing that brings me joy is knowing that there is no one else on the planet that is like me or you. I know that might make people bristle when they read that sentence but I think it’s true for every single human on the planet. There is no one else on the planet like you. No one that has the combination of your tendencies, your quirks, your wants, your life experiences, your abilities, your limitations, etc. That combination is unique and specific to you and will only continue getting more unique and specific as you get older. No one can compete with you at being you. I think the idea of deepening your sense of self with every new experience and moment to be a powerful one.

The joy and adventure of being yourself

Being Yourself Takes Pressure Off - The power of authenticity is remarkable at taking this big weight off your shoulders that you have to be someone else or do things that are not in your nature. It makes life easier, more fun, and over time you get better at being yourself (weird concept but I think it’s true).

I Think This Can Be Helpful For Anyone, Particularly Anxious People - I think this can be particularly powerful for anyone that deals with anxiety related to being good at something or doing something that feels noteworthy to them.

You’ll Never Be Like Anyone Else - I think once we embrace the idea of not comparing ourselves to others and accept that we will never be like anyone else and we will only be like ourselves authenticity gets easier. The only route that is now available is being yourself, which is much easier than trying to think about how you should or should not be, because you don’t have to think about it.

You Are The Only One That Can Be You - What is cool about that also is no one can compete with you at being you and I've found that embracing that idea makes doing and saying stuff not only easier, but you end up going down personal rabbit holes that no one else will follow you down.

Some things to ponder on authenticity

I hope all of this did not sound crazy and made some sense. It’s something that I have a hard time putting into words just yet, but it’s one of the most fundamental and empowering ideas I carry with me. It has an amazing impact on my relationships, my well-being, and the joy I feel in my day-to-day.

How do we embrace being ourselves, much like kids do, but with the life experiences of adulthood?

How do we think less, speak more from the heart, and act more instinctually?

It’s definitely hard I think. Especially when we live in a world of expectations. How do we carry those same expectations with us gracefully and without sacrificing our ability to be ourselves moment to moment?

What does it mean to be yourself, but potentially let people in your life you care about down?

How does admitting to ourselves, our own limitations and weaknesses feel? What does it mean to accept those truths? How does it change our perspective on who we are?

What holds us back from being ourselves in every moment and every situation? What makes us nervous to say what’s on our mind at times? What is the worst thing that could happen if we did? What would it feel like if we did not have to be different than who we were?

I know these ramblings are not fully coherent, but I don’t think the path to authenticity is linear and I think these questions can help us wander towards it. It’s a stroll worth taking I think, going down the authenticity path, and one that I think can meaningfully impact how we enjoy our lives.

Until next time,

Alvaro

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