Humility - Possibly and Curiously Human
1 of 7 Billion, observing ourselves honestly, ubuntu, and life is too serious to take seriously
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Humility doesn't shout its characteristics. It is the quiet virtue. We must approach it in reverence. Because it is quiet, we must listen, look, and feel to discern its character - Dr. Everett L. Worthington Jr.
Humility, I think, is foundational to enduring joy in life.
I’m not exactly sure where it comes from or how it develops but I think there are some ideas that I believe play a role in its emergence.
This week is an extension of last week in some ways in that I think humility, is in part, grounded in our recognition of our own humanity. I think by understanding what makes us human, as well as what makes us ourselves, some degree of humility is a natural consequence.
This is probably a newsletter in and of itself but like with many of the topics explored, I don't think humility can be cultivated. I think it happens as a result of us looking and understanding what goes on inside of us. To put it another way, I don't think we can try to be humble, I think that results in false humility. I think in striving to achieve humility we can end up missing the mark.
I think humility is born, in part, from observation. Specifically, observing our own humanity as well as what makes us, well, us.
1 of 7 Billion: Forgetting Titles and Formalities
Whenever I see someone, may I never feel superior. From the depth of my heart, may I really be able to appreciate the person in front of me - Tibetan Prayer
Believing We Are Better - I think it’s easy to get caught up in titles and formalities and to think of ourselves as separate, different, or better than the rest of our fellow humans. Additionally, it can be easy to focus on what we like about ourselves or think we're good at, or what we have acquired, and use any of those things to create further distance between us and others. I am better or different because I am good at math, or being tall, or have a big house, etc.
Attachment Can Create Separation - By definition, we are creating separation between ourselves and others, thinking we're different or special in some way. I think this kind of thinking makes us feel isolated and apart from others, which in turn leads to loneliness and anxiety.
We Are More Like Than Different - It's kind of funny because when you think about it we more alike than we are different. Titles and other formalities are made up human constructs. The things we have - fancy houses, nice clothes, are just things, they do not change who we are underneath.
While we are definitely unique in who we are as humans, underneath it all, I think we are all more similar than we look on the surface - each with desires, fears, things that make us come alive, tendencies, limitations, strengths, passions, etc.
Just One In Seven Billion - Humility I think begins with first observing and understanding that we are far more alike than we are different. Our shared humanity gives us much more in common with each other than our differences do to set us apart.
One quote I love from the Book of Joy that illustrates this idea is a meeting between George W. Bush and the Dalai Lama.
When I first met President Bush, we immediately became close friends on the human level -not official level-human level. We were sitting together, when some cookies were served. Then I asked 'Which one is the best?' And he immediately said pointing to one, 'This one is very good.' He acted like a normal human being, so we became very close. - Dalai Lama
Bush was the leader of one of the most powerful countries in the world, if not the most powerful, and the Dalai Lama is one of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time. At the end of the day though, they are two humans first and foremost, trying to figure out which cookie is the tastiest.
Self-Awareness: Delighting In Our Limitations & Not Knowing
To understand oneself requires patience, tolerant awareness; the self is a book of many volumes which you cannot read in a day, but when once you begin to read, you must read every word, every sentence, every paragraph for in them are the intimations of the whole. The beginning of it is the ending of it. If you know how to read, supreme wisdom is to be found. - Jiddu Krishnamurti
Recognizing Shared Humanity Can Make It Easier To Be More Honest With Ourselves - I think when we recognize our shared humanity it becomes easier, to be honest with ourselves and deepen our self-awareness. The reason being is it’s often easier to find fault in others than in ourselves (ego floating around inside our head), but when we pay attention to how we're all very similar, I think it opens the door for more honest self-reflection.
Seeing Ourselves More Clearly Can Make Life More Fun - Recognition of who we are - our strengths, our tendencies, as well as our limitations, our frailties, and our vulnerabilities, I think makes us more open to learning, which in turn makes life a bit more fun. If you are open to your limitations, it not only hurts less when you are wrong or others are better than you at things, I think you more often than not find joy in learning something new or delighting in the strengths of others.
I Don’t Think Humility Means Denying Ourselves - One note here is I don’t think humility = denying your strengths or what makes you unique. I think part of humility comes from recognizing that we all have inherent strong points, tendencies, and callings. Seeing that we each arrive here with a unique set of abilities allows us to sit relatively loosely to each of our own gifts. It helps us see that some of that stuff just happened and is outside of our control, which I think makes it easier to celebrate others without denying ourselves. We each have something to contribute, a role to play, and I think recognizing our humanity can actually give us more confidence to lean into what makes us who are in the world.
Wisdom is like rainwater. Both gather in the low places. - Tibetan Saying
When We See Ourselves Better Our Interdependence Becomes More Clear - Additionally, recognizing our limitations, I think helps create recognition of our dependence and need for others. Humans are social creatures, and the ability of our species to thrive is fundamentally dependent on how well we cooperate. Humans are not made for independence and the more we are able to recognize where we struggle or fall short, the clearer the need for others becomes in our life, making it easier to connect, form relationships, and build community.
Ubuntu: We Are Through Others
I think the deeper we get into self-observation the more clear it becomes how much others and things outside of our control have influenced who we are and our circumstances in life.
This idea is beautifully captured by a Nguni Bantu term called Ubuntu. Literally translated it means:
I am, because we are - Ubuntu
Or
A person is a person through other persons - Ubuntu
A couple of examples that illustrate this idea include:
Our Parents Made Sure We Did Not Die - We could not have survived without our parents feeding us and making sure we did not run into the street.
The People That Have Taught Us Valuable Lessons In Life - The breakthroughs we have had in life due to teachers and mentors along the way. Or even the hard lessons we have learned in situations that were not so easy or enjoyable.
The Emotional, Material, and Spiritual Support In Our Journey - The support we have had from friends, the love we have had from partners, and the materials and resources provided to us over the course of a lifetime.
The Ego Can Stop Us From Seeing The Role Others Have Played - Our ego often stops us from recognizing the degree of influence others have had and the role serendipity has played in shaping us and our current reality. The more we stop and look at the role others have played in our life the more we realize some of the truth behind this concept of Ubuntu - we are who we are through others.
I think that's an important idea because it makes us a bit less sure of our own greatness and a bit more thankful for all that's happened and in awe of what is to come.
Opening Up To Randomness & Serendipity - The degree of influence others and things outside of our control have on our life is a humbling realization. I think one that can be scary at times, especially when we crave certainty. However, when we open ourselves up to the randomness of life - I think the mischievousness of our stories can be something we marvel at and delight in.
Laughing At Yourself: Life Is Too Serious To Take Seriously
Life is far too serious to ever talk seriously about - Oscar Wilde
I think an outcome of some of these ideas, and a sense of humility that is born from them, is possibly taking yourself as well as your life a bit less seriously.
We’re All Just Figuring It Out - We're all, at the end of the day, trying to live lives that bring us and others something - whether it’s joy, meaning, strong relationships, or whatever it is that matters to you and to your loved ones.
We’ve All Got Some Allotment Of Time To Spend - We've got a finite period of time in which we go about living and we're all going about it in our own way. So we're doing things a bit differently but we're essentially doing similar stuff.
Much Of It Is Out Of Our Hands - Additionally, much of the outcome and course of events that our life takes is out of our control.
There is a delightful randomness to it all. All of it is also an intriguing learning experience as we observe ourselves in each new moment of our lives. We're trying our best each day to live in a way that brings us some joy and some peace as well as hopefully to have had a positive impact on the people in our lives and on our world.
That's kind of a big deal. Living that is. I mean it’s a big thing. We’ve only really got one opportunity and we’re not quite sure how long it will last.
I think, maybe the most important outcome that humility can bring is a realization that living is too serious a subject to take too seriously.
And hopefully, this realization might help us tread more lightly, savor each moment more fully, and laugh a little more easily (especially at ourselves).
Until next time,
Alvaro
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