Gratitude - a practice that will rewire your brain for happiness
Giving thanks daily may drastically improve the quality of your life
Welcome to the 10 new Alive & Thriving people who have joined us since last Sunday! If you’re reading this but haven’t subscribed, be an early adopter of this growing community of humans looking to thrive by subscribing here!
I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual - Henry David Thoreau
A Gratitude Practice Can Benefit Everyone
It's worth considering practicing Thanksgiving daily as it may drastically improve the quality of your life. I don't mean cook a Turkey and huddle up with the fam every day (although that sounds nice also). What I mean is give thanks daily and regularly.
As someone that generally has a positive disposition towards life, a gratitude practice seemed unnecessary, like something you would do if you were trying to hang onto happiness for dear life and needed to remind yourself of what you still had.
I gave it a shot to see if this would be an effective tool in my mental fitness arsenal.
What Is Gratitude
If we look at its definition gratitude is simply the quality of being thankful. However, there is another description by Robert Emmons (the worlds foremost researcher and expert on gratitude) that I find is more descriptive.
Gratitude Defined By Emmons
Acknowledge There Is Good - “First,” he writes, “it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received.”
Increase Our Awareness of Goodness - In the second part of gratitude, he explains, “we recognize that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves. … We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.”
These were critical distinctions for me personally for two reasons.
I Am Achievement Oriented - I think this is true for many people but generally I'm always looking at what I am going to accomplish next. While in some ways this thinking is positive, you are perpetually in a state of failure because you are moving the goal posts constantly. That does not always feel good.
I Focus A Lot On What I Can Control -My father taught me from day one to focus on what is within your power to control and affect that as much as you can. This has been a powerful influence in my life and I owe a great deal to that mindset. However, by only focusing on what you can control you ignore that which occurs through luck and the generosity of others.
Points 1 and 2 meant that I was always trying to "move forward" and relying on what I could do to control it. This can be very helpful, but not always healthy and aligned with feeling good. For one, you are always focused on what you don't have and you don't focus on what others are doing and have done for you, which leads to less thankfulness and connectedness.
Gratitude encourages us to reflect on what is great in our lives as well as where outside forces have conspired to our benefit. Whether it happens through a stroke of good luck, the caring of a loved one, or the goodness of a stranger, gratitude opens up our eyes to make us more aware of the unexpected good that can flow into our lives.
What Is A Gratitude Practice
People only see what they are prepared to see. If you look for what is good and what you can be grateful for you will find it everywhere - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A gratitude practice is regularly and intentionally reflecting on what you are grateful for as well as expressing gratitude throughout your day.
The funny thing is we need to work to be grateful as we're not biologically hardwired for gratitude. The jury is still out on this but many social psychologists believe that our anxiety, worries, and fears formed to protect us by locating and always being on the watch for danger.
Negativity Bias - This is a phenomenon where humans respond more strongly to a negative event than to an equally strong positive event. To put it another way, humans would rather not lose $1 than gain $1. The outcome is the same, but we experience loss more acutely.
Neuroscientists back these observational studies up and show that negative stimuli elicit a larger brain response than a positive one. As a result, it makes sense that we spend time ruminating on our fears and worries. It takes consistent and dedicated practice to improve our gratitude.
Why Should I Care About Practicing Gratitude
Generally a consistent gratitude practice increases your well-being dramatically and, more anecdotally, I believe it increases serendipity and opportunity in one's life.
Benefits of A Gratitude Practice
Increases Optimism and Relives Depression
Improves Mood and Reduces Anxiety, Fear, and Worry
Improves Immune Function and Lowers Blood Pressure
Strengthens Relationships and Reduces Feelings of Isolation
These benefits have been studied a ton and show up both in observational studies and brain imaging studies (source 1)
How A Gratitude Practice Affects The Brain
Practicing gratitude has tangible effects on your brain both in the moment when you practice and also by effecting lasting change to your brain.
Regulates Limbic System - Regular gratitude practice has been shown to activate positive emotion in this area of the brain as well as strengthen the management of negative emotion
Reduce Stress Hormones & Manages Autonomous Nervous System - Gratitude practices have been shown to lower cortisol (stress hormone) as well as improve the brain's response to regulating stress.
Strengthens Positive Neural Pathways - Conditions brain to focus on positive thoughts vs. ruminating on negative ones
Increases Release of Positive Neurotransmitters - By focusing on what to be grateful for vs. on negative thought patterns our brain releases serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin, which improve our mood and gives us more motivation
Hypothalamic Regulation - Gratitude practice activates the hypothalamus, which also controls sleep. Studies show that regularly practicing gratitude makes this area of the brain more active and helps us sleep more soundly.
The evidence continues to mount that we can strengthen our mental fitness and train our brains to feel better more often. Gratitude is another tool to add to your arsenal.
How I Practice Gratitude
Journaling - Every morning I reflect on what I am grateful for and I try to think of new things to add to my list. It can be something as simple as "this delicious coffee", "that conversation I had the other day with Douglas", or "orange birds". The point is to become more aware every day of all of the things I appreciate.
Interacting With Others - I look for opportunities to express my gratefulness to others. This strengthens my connectedness with people in my life and focuses my mind on people's strengths and positive qualities. As someone that can be overly critical and analytical of what is not working this has been hugely helpful for me in better engaging others and bringing out the best in people.
My Language - When I talk to others, send text messages, and write emails I'm now intentional about using language that expresses my thanks and appreciation. This has made me feel better more often, connect more strongly with others, and I think its made others more grateful as well.
How A Gratitude Practice Has Helped Me
Convince yourself that everything is the gift of the gods - Marcus Aurelius
Big Realization: Gratitude is Not Antithetical To Ambition
How Drive Has Played a Role In My Life: I think I have a reasonably healthy ambition mindset. What I mean by healthy is its brought me a lot of good in my life. However, it has not always made me feel great. Every second you are in pursuit of something is a second where you don't have it. This has often times shown up for me as a feeling of failure or conflict. A focus on the future, by definition, distracts from the present moment. Meaning, I spend more time in my head, enjoy my time with loved ones less, and miss out on what's going on. Additionally, focusing on the future and what I don’t have creates anxiety within me, meaning my body is never fully at rest and tranquil.
I Thought Gratitude Was Opposite to Drive: I thought a gratitude practice ran counter to ambition and advocated for complacency. Meaning, if I’m content, how can I push myself further? I'd argue now that nothing could be further from the truth.
To Feel Good, Make Sure To Grow Gratitude In Lock Step With Ambition - In Chip Conley's Emotional Equations book I was intrigued by a particular passage where he states happiness = being grateful for what you have / having what you want (I’ve substituted well-being to happiness as I think it better defines the concept).
This can be a bit confusing at first so let me restate. Well-Being = Practicing Gratitude ÷ Pursuing Gratification. The point here is its fine to have pursuits as long as you also spend brain energy on appreciating and focusing on what you have.
Gratitude Can Amplify Drive: After picking up a gratitude practice, not only do I agree with that statement, but I also believe that a regular gratitude practice amplifies your drive. When you focus on what is already amazing in your life as well as the amount of luck and generosity that has made your life possible, an incredible amount of energy flows from that thought to power you forward in your day to day. Additionally, you get excited as you become aware of all the ways where events you had not planned for or people you did not count on affect you positively. It is a focus that adds delight to all moments of life and I can not recommend it enough.
Here are some additional examples of negative thought patterns, how I've reframed them, and how they have improved my day to day
Reflection 1: Opportunity Exists If You Focus Correctly
Not Grateful Reflection: I have not accomplished my goal of joining a venture studio
Grateful Reflection: I'm grateful I've met with leaders at 30+ venture studios
Realizations From Gratefulness Practice: I know a ton about studios, how they work, and which one's I believe are stronger models. I've met an enormous amount of talented, generous humans who are actively helping me on my journey and are invested in my success.
Why That's Important - One form of thinking narrows your vision and as a result you miss opportunity. Secondly, and more importantly, you feel like shit vs. feeling good. Gratitude is not about being unrealistic. It's about being realistic and uncovering what's good. If you look hard enough, you'll find plenty of good.
Reflection 2: Being Realistic Feels Better & Is More Helpful
The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Not Grateful Reflection: I'm annoyed things have not clicked the way I wanted them to, I'm stressed and I'm not feeling motivated
Grateful Reflection: I am alive, well, and healthy. I have an amazing wife and family. I have a solid brain and an enormous amount of energy, ethic, and drive.
Realizations From Gratefulness Practice: You could die tomorrow. Be pumped at all the good you have in your life and make sure to celebrate it. Second, assuming I don't die, there is a long road ahead and momentary frustrations are footnotes. Be grateful you're equipped to tackle the challenge.
Why That's Important: You have the answers and energy you need to feel great and move forward. A gratitude practice makes sure you never forget that.
Different Gratitude Practices You Can Try
Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Alright, sounds like its worth a shot but how do I start? I've talked you through some of the ways I insert it into my life but here are some ideas to experiment with.
Example Gratitude Practices
Journaling - We've covered this but here are some more questions to consider:
What Am I Grateful For?, Who Has Made Me a Better Person?, What makes my life easier?, What challenges in my life were hard and have changed me for the better?, What am I proud of?, What skill or talent do I have that I am proud of?
How Could It Be Worse - Ask yourself how could your life or situation be worse than it is now? You can journal this or use it in moments where things are not going your way. It’s surprisingly effective.
Look for What Is Going Well - In any situation, ask yourself what is going well? Finding what is working in your favor gives you a tremendous amount of energy and helps you develop a realistic perspective of the situation. It's helpful in feeling good and developing clarity to move forward.
Say Thank You & Show Appreciation - Express gratitude often to others. You'll connect more deeply with people and you'll become more aware of all the amazing things that are happening on your behalf all the time.
Gratitude Meditation or Breath Work - This practice is all about focusing your meditation or breathing on the things in your life and people you are grateful for. For those that don’t like journaling this could be a useful substitute.
Other Practices - There are 100s of ways to create a gratitude practice and here is a link to a good resource to get more ideas.
Like every mental fitness strategy this takes regular practice. You're not just going to wake up and all of sudden feel awesome all the time and turn superhuman. However, this is another tool you can add to your mental fitness arsenal to strengthen yourself.
Try incorporating a gratitude practice in your day to day
It felt particularly important to use Thanksgiving as an opportunity to reflect on how gratitude can power your well-being and your life. During a time where we come together with family to celebrate and give thanks, maybe use that momentum to try and apply it consistently and regularly in your day to day.
From helping you feel better more often, to strengthening your connections with others, to rewiring your brain to better regulate emotions the results are bountiful.
If you decide to give it a shot I'd love to hear how it impacts your life. If you have already been doing it, I'd love to connect and hear how it has affected your life as well!
Feedback Time 😁 - Share Your Thoughts & Journals!
Would love your feedback (two questions only!) so I can better tailor this newsletter to you all in the future → Feedback Form
Lastly, if you enjoyed this newsletter you can use the link at the bottom to easily share it with others that you think would like it as well.
To Living Well,
Alvaro
Weekly Live Well Recs
Read of the week 📖: Meditations Book I - By Marcus Aurelius
Listen of the week 🎧: What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
Product(s) of the week 🍯: Paperless Post - Awesome virtual cards to send to your loved ones. It's super quick, inexpensive, and there are tons of thoughtful designs. Write a letter to someone in your life that you're grateful for and you don't tell them this enough!