Foundations of Gratitude - The most respectful interpretation
Respect as a stepping stone, a powerful gratitude tool, elevating others
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I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about gratitude and was turned to the idea of a gratitude pyramid.
Specifically, the pyramid is a helpful way to visualize how to build up gratitude or the feeling of gratefulness in your life.
The pyramid has three layers:
Respect
Appreciation
Generosity
Each step is key to unlocking the next one and builds up feelings of gratitude in your life. Today we’ll look at respect, how it is foundational to feelings of gratitude, and how to build up respect.
What do gratitude and respect have in common?
In order to feel grateful - i.e. feeling or showing appreciation for someone or something, you must first have respect for that person or thing.
A definition of respect I like is:
To consider worthy of high regard.
Gratitude Starts With Believing People Or Things Are Deserving - When we think about respect in this light - to consider worthy of high regard, we can start to see how it ties into gratitude. In order to appreciate anything, we need to see it as worthy of appreciation or deserving of our esteem. This applies to everything:
Seeing ourselves as worthy - i.e. self-respect
Seeing other humans as worthy or deserving of dignity - i.e. rrespect for others
Seeing our world as something to be cared for and treated with courtesy - i.e. respect for our planet and our environment
From A Foundation of Respect, We Can Build Gratitude - Respect is a foundational element of gratitude is a powerful idea I think, which can help us build our feelings of gratefulness, the strength of our relationships, and our feelings of well-being over time. Respect is a stepping stone - if I don't feel grateful today can I at least develop a baseline of respect?
Examples of Developing Respect
Respecting Your Body - For example, if I'm not grateful for my body (i.e. I don't like how I look), can I at least develop respect for it? I mean it’s keeping me alive, it moves me from place to place, it helps me read, write, etc. I have all of my limbs (something others don't necessarily have). If I’m not grateful for my body, I can at least respect what it does and has done for me throughout my life.
Respecting Joe - Another example is people if I’m not grateful for Joe, my colleague at work, can I at least develop respect for Joe? Joe has a family he takes care of, Joe has dreams of having a ranch in Idaho, Joe loves playing with his cat Tango, and Joe has grown up wanting a better life than the one he had growing up. Sure Joe can be a pain in the neck, but can I at least respect him as a human and understand where he comes from.
Respect Quickly Leads To Appreciation - Interestingly, once you start to develop a baseline of respect it’s not hard to imagine taking a step into appreciation - i.e. it’s pretty amazing that my body can move me around or I can’t believe Joe got himself to where he is today given where he came from.
So How Do You Develop Respect? - However, instead of diving into the rest of the pyramid, I'd like to explore a concept within respect that I found really interesting. It's focused on how we develop respect for others and it’s an idea called Most Respectful Interpretation (MRI).
What is the most respectful interpretation (MRI)?
Most respectful interpretation is a powerful tool to develop respect for others, helps us form stronger relationships, and builds up our feelings of gratitude.
MRI Means Assuming The Best - MRI is basically giving people the benefit of the doubt in any situation or context. Here are some examples:
Examples of MRI In Action
Imagine Someone Is “Rude” To You - If someone says something that sounds rude to me, applying MRI might look like the following:
Maybe that's the way they talk
Maybe the way they’re being is specific to their culture
Maybe they're just having a tough day.
Imagine Someone Is Late - If someone is late to a meeting MRI in action might lok like:
Maybe their kid got sick
Maybe they got into an accident
Maybe we did not send them the invite
Maybe we were not clear about the time
MRI Does Not Change Events, But It Changes Us and Others - Practically speaking MRI does not change reality, but it fundamentally alters our worldview by training us to respect and always see the best in others. I think this helps us develop healthier thought patterns and ultimately leads to greater feelings of well-being and connection with others.
What makes MRI so powerful?
I think MRI is effective for two reasons:
What it does for us internally
What it does for others
What MRI does for us internally
The Way You Think, Affects How You Feel - We have talked a ton about how thought patterns can be trained and how there are fundamentally healthy and unhealthy thought patterns. The more you cultivate healthy ones, the more your brain defaults to those patterns, and the better you feel.
Relationships Are Key To Our Well-Being - We know that high-quality relationships and connection with others is fundamental to our well-being.
When We See The Worst, We Make It Harder To Connect - When we interpret people's actions in a negative light we create separation between us and others - that person is rude, dumb, or lazy (i.e. different from us - we're polite, smart, and diligent).
MRI Makes Developing Strong Relationships Easier - However, when we take the most respectful interpretation of someone's situation we are looking for common ground and connection in our shared humanity - i.e. maybe they're nervous about something, or maybe that's what they learned at home. This not only puts our brain to work in finding connections between us and others, but it also gets our compassion muscle flexing as we start to demonstrate concern for how others are doing.
I think this ultimately leads to a healthier mind and one that is more ready and able to connect with others.
What MRI does for others
When People Take The MRI, It Makes Us Feel Bigger Than We Are - I'm quite grateful to have made friends that I admire and one of the things I've noticed in some of those people is their MRI approach. It's pretty amazing to be around that kind of energy because it elevates how you feel about yourself.
When People Don’t Take The MRI, It Makes Us Feel Negative Emotions - On the other hand, I've been in plenty of situations where MRI is not the approach that's been taken and it leads to feelings of anxiety, frustration, resentment.
MRI Helps Bring Out The Best In People - I think MRI is so powerful because it helps to elevate others. When we choose to see the best in people vs. the worst, I think people tend to respond accordingly. Specifically, when I've felt like my actions have been interpreted in the worst light possible, I tend to feel angry, frustrated, scared, anxious. When my actions have been interpreted in the best light possible, I feel extremely grateful, close to, and energized. It gives me the strength and energy to be and do more.
How To Apply MRI In Your Day To Day
I think it's pretty easy, but if you find yourself in a situation where you're feeling some type of negative emotion towards another person stop and ask yourself these questions:
What's the most respectful interpretation I could take of this situation? Here are some more specific questions to play with:
Maybe something happened to this person today?
Maybe this person is feeling something that's causing this behavior?
Maybe this person has certain responsibilities they feel they need to meet?
Maybe this person is not clear on what they need to do or did not understand our conversation?
Avoid Judgment, Lean Into Benefit of The Doubt - There are tons more questions we could list here but it boils down to demonstrating respect towards others and a fundamental part of that is giving them the benefit of the doubt vs. judging and condemning them based on our interpretation of their behavior and actions.
Respect is a stepping stone towards gratitude and well-being
In conclusion, respect forms the foundation for gratitude, building strong relationships with others, and developing a sense of well-being over time.
Respect is about bestowing dignity on others and having enough regard for people that we treat them with courtesy.
One of the ways we can show and develop respect is by challenging ourselves to take the most respectful interpretation of any situation we are in or action others take.
What I think this does is create a healthier mind that is more willing, ready, and able to connect with others. I also think this helps people feel good and elevates them above and beyond what they would ordinarily do because when we see the best in others, we help others see the best in themselves.
Until next time,
Alvaro
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